“The only people who can say gender doesn’t matter are the ones who’ve never had their gender denied.”
—
Tchy, in a tag on this post (via kiriamaya)
i need this on a t-shirt.
(via spectrumnaut)
March 2011
“We call someone a ‘pussy’ for being weak, even though the vagina contains incredibly strong muscles capable of pushing out human beings that weigh over three kilograms. When someone does something brave, we say they have ‘balls’, even though the testicles don’t seem to do much except hang around, produce sperm and get squeezed out the side of briefs as a gross party trick.”
—Benjamin Law, Frankie Magazine Issue 40. (via inherhipstheresrevolutions)
February 2011
This essay is awful
I keep getting WAY off topic…
This is about gender roles, for crying out loud. Something that should be easy.
But no, I keep digressing.
fuq lyfe
I keep seeing commercials for this new show on ABC called Body Of Proof.
And it features a woman who is a medical examiner.
Assertive, no-nonsense, takes shit from no one.
Clearly, this show is going to be revolutionary! Of course women like that don’t really exist!
A show about a man with these qualities would be seen as boring, because all men are portrayed as being that way.
“[TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE CULTURE]
Eight percent of college men have either attempted or successfully raped. Thirty percent say they would rape if they could get away with it. When the wording was changed to “force a woman to have sex,” the number jumped to 58%. Worse still, 83.5% argue that “some women look like they are just asking to be raped.” —
Eight percent of college men have either attempted or successfully raped. Thirty percent say they would rape if they could get away with it. When the wording was changed to “force a woman to have sex,” the number jumped to 58%. Worse still, 83.5% argue that “some women look like they are just asking to be raped.” —
Margo Paine, Ph.D. (Body Wars)
This is appalling, and one of many reasons why I publicly identify as a male feminist.
(via pyrrhosrepublic)
^ same.
(via i-am-the-lighthouse)
THIS SHOULD MATTER TO YOU!
(via babygrandsingitloud)
THIS is what I mean when I say ‘rape culture’. I mean that cis men aren’t being told what they can do to prevent rape (or even what constitutes rape), whereas FAAB people and women are being constantly told to take responsibility for the ‘natural hazard’ that comes with their body and/or gender. That is victim blaming, that is rape culture and it’s all bullshit.
(via whatfreshhellisthis)
And this is why it isn’t fucking funny when you joke about rape like it’s this unforeseeable, impossible thing that doesn’t affect anyone.
(via cesspoolsinbeauty)
"You had sex and got pregnant, now you have to take responsibility and have that baby!"
You smoked and now you have lung cancer, no treatment for you! You knew that would happen!
You have an STI? Too bad, whore! That can happen when you have sex!
You were in a car accident? What the hell were you doing in a car? That can happen, you know! No ER visit for you!
You tripped and fell on your face and your nose is broken? Pfff, deal with it. Walking can result in tripping, you should’ve known that.
Your logic: it is
stupid. faultyfixed.
thanks for that.
I went to Walk For Choice Atlanta today,
And I was really happy with the turnout, especially since it was organized on such short notice.
Although I noticed a lot of trans* erasure. A lot.
I should’ve said something, but I wasn’t sure what to say or how to say it without seeming attacking or offensive. But now I regret not piping about it.
“I have a few friends who are straight male dominants, and they’re both feminists. They fight rape culture, work for pro-choice causes, and check their privilege as needed. They’re happy to work under women, and listen to women, hell they’re friends with female dominants, and even though they don’t play with these women, they respect them and treat them as equals. So, how can these good, decent, kind hearted, egalitarian men enjoy tying up their girlfriends and beating them?
Because their girlfriends consent, because their girlfriends enjoy it. It’s not about man dominating woman because he’s man and she’s woman and that’s how it goes. It’s about two lovers, one who is sexually aroused by delivering pain/dominance/etc and another who is sexually aroused by receiving pain/dominance/etc.” —
Because their girlfriends consent, because their girlfriends enjoy it. It’s not about man dominating woman because he’s man and she’s woman and that’s how it goes. It’s about two lovers, one who is sexually aroused by delivering pain/dominance/etc and another who is sexually aroused by receiving pain/dominance/etc.” —
BDSM is PLAY - Thoughts From The Peacock Angel (via sexisnottheenemy)
It makes me sad that this even has to be said.
Don’t police other sexualities, the end.
I forgot
a woman’s ideas are only as good as how many men support them
I forgot that women can’t be expected to know all the delicate nuances of the situation in Pakistan and Afghanistan and the world over, because if there’s anybody who handled the situation in Iraq and Afghanistan with tact, sensitivity, foresight, and thoroughness it’s the men in power at the time of the invasions. Drone attacks on Pakistani civilians are the height of delicate nuances. And no, I’m not saying that I have all the answers. I’m not in government (yet). But saying that men are equipped to handle these kinds of things alone? Yeah, you’ve done a bang-up job so far.
I forgot that because I am a person (note: I didn’t say a woman) who is reached through emotions, everything I say is invalid. Emotions are not invalid. They are the other side to your logical reasoning and equally as important as cold removed thinking.
I forgot that if I do ever go into politics, or revolutionary politics, or life-changing work, you’re all going to try to define me by the men in my life. This means that you’ll say things like, Her husband was a Kashmiri activist or Her dad was a staunch Republican which drove her into the arms of the other side. My autonomy will be taken from me and my politics diminished into what men have created for me/let me do rather than my own passion and choice.
I forget that if I do not have children and I go into revolutionary work, this will be A VERY BIG DEAL. Women can have careers that go beyond the norm as long as they fulfill their duties. There will be remarks made about how I’ve spent so much time agitating and stirring up shit that I can’t take care of children. Or if I don’t get married or have a female love or a non-heterosexual relationship. Somehow this will become everybody’s business and who I love will be used to discredit me.
I forget that if I step outside of my role in male dominated organizations or groups I will be shamed. If I forget my place, even in the Revolution, I will pay.
I forget. And then I am reminded. And then I conveniently forget again.
btw, fandom-at-large
Every time you make sweeping statements about how children’s shows will never have non-hetero characters, you’re telling me that me and mine, simply by existing, are too obscene to be heard.
Is "stupid" a slur?
I know it perpetuates the whole “intelligence = worth” thing, but I don’t know if it’s exactly a slur. & the rest of the internet isn’t helping me out, so do any of you know?
Why Should I Believe Someone When They Say They Were Assaulted? (TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT ETC.) →
facebook.com
My friend Amory wrote this. It’s always relevant.
I find myself having this conversation over and over. It’s hard to articulate, but I’m going to try. I just wrote this in response to a friend of a friend’s concerns about false reporting of sexual assault when it comes to implementing community accountability. I have big plans to make this a zine at some point, but until then, here is the beginning of that argument; feel free to share this/ offer your own 2 cents:
False reporting of assault comes up in every conversation I’ve ever had about community accountability. Healthiness and benefits of a well-constructed and thought-out process aside, I think a framework which supports believing survivors unconditionally is extremely important, and political. Here’s why I choose to always believe people when they say they’ve been assaulted. The very bottom line for me is at the end.
-how do “we” determine a report is false? The criminal legal system relies on a model of “innocent until proven guilty”, and as someone who regularly works with child and adult survivors of sexual abuse and assault, I can tell you for a fact that it is VERY difficult to PROVE assault, versus consensual sexual contact.
-there are rarely witnesses to rape. without physical evidence, this leaves only a survivor’s word. it’s worth considering whose word is trusted in our society. whose word is doubted? research into marginalized communities (queer folx, POC, ciswomen, trans people, sex workers, kids) shows that those who are already silenced, who are already targets of violence are assaulted at higher rates.
-most sexual assault goes unrecognized because it doesn’t fit rape culture’s stranger-danger definition of assualt, the victim doesn’t fit rape culture’s depiction of a victim, the aggressor doesn’t fit rape culture’s definition of an aggressor.
-even criminal legal stats about “false” reports say that they’re no higher with SA than other crimes. would you doubt your friend if they said their bicycle was stolen? And rape is not a property crime. Its harm is profound.
-often, when children renege on a disclosure, it is because of family/ social pressure to protect the aggressor/ reunite the family, etc. most cases are based on the child’s statement. not physical evidence, because again, physical evidence of abuse or assault is rarely present.
I believe this is true for adults as well; evidence that unsupportive community response to disclosure profoundly affects adults’ likelihood to develop PTSD substantiates this point (http://www.springerlink.com/content/kn65x1v5581t2v1n/). People take it back because it’s so fucking hard to stand up for yourself, defending the truth of such an intensely personal violation against such a huge, painful, blaming, silencing, shaming chorus, including shit you’ve internalized and are telling yourself. the fact that anyone is brave enough to fight that doubt and say that someone abused them, let alone name them, is amazing to me. I have tremendous respect for that degree of courage and self-love.
-rape culture perpetuates rape myths. these are internalized by the survivor as well as the community, and aggressors exploit this. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard survivors express self-doubt about their experience, feel unjustified, and empathize with the aggressor.
-most aggressors are family and friends, people survivors trust (89- 90% according to conservative DOJ estimates). this is what gives them access to the person to assault them in the first place. this also means that the survivor is likely to empathize with their aggressor, and it means that physical violence is not necessary for most assault to occur (alcohol and other forms of coercion are used, instead.)
-adults groom other adults, not just kids, and they groom communities. everything in our society tells us to doubt people when they say they’ve been abused. we doubt ourselves when we think we’ve been abused. much abuse is portrayed as “normal” and romantic. many people are socialized to question themselves for NOT liking what they’re told to like. many people are socialized in a way that leaves them completely ignorant of what they want, that they are entitled to want anything for themselves. others are socialized to only consider themselves.
-if there is domestic violence present, how can someone consent? it’s problematic to deny agency to a survivor, but it’s worth considering how you define consent. if you’re afraid of how someone will respond if you say “no”, can you give consent? what if you’ve been socialized out of even knowing what you want, and your whole experience of sex is vicarious/ about someone else’s pleasure?
-how do you define “consent”? is it based on “no”? or is it a freely-given, enthusiastic, empowered and informed “yes”?
-how do we define “rape”? it depends a lot on how you define what counts as “sex”, which tends to tread pretty close to heterocentric, patriarchal definitions (a penis is involved, and it penetrates). I think we each get to define what counts as sex for ourselves, which leads me to my final and most important point:
-no one, not even the state, is entitled to set your boundaries for you. this means that no one, not even the state, is qualified to tell you whether you have been violated. We are the only ones who know this for ourselves.
As a radical feminist, I choose to err on the side of caution. The consequences of not believing are too awful, making someone prove their boundaries violated too problematic. I don’t think the aggressor’s intent matters at all; it’s the consequences of their actions that matter. many pedophiles have said that children “seduce” them. this means, in their minds, that they had no harmful intent/ their actions had no harmful consequence. does this matter? no. and it doesn’t matter for adults, either.
The survivor gets to determine whether a boundary was violated, not the aggressor.
Because of all the reasons why people pay a huge price for speaking up, and because of all the reasons why people take back their stories, question themselves, overvalue the aggressor’s feelings and dismiss their own; because of the ways our communities respond (it’s easier to dismiss someone’s story than have to act on it); because of the fact that most aggressors lie; because people can hurt others without meaning to; because community accountability can only mean growth and transformation for someone called out— it’s not a punishment but a privilege; because the costs of disbelieving a survivor are too great: I believe people when they say they were abused.
Worrying about “false reports” can only happen within a framework developed by a rape culture. Everyone benefits from examining abuse dynamics and working on their shit.